Light Your Own Fire (DISCONTINUED)
by professionalcryptid
Summary: Dying wasn't something I ever wanted to experience ever again. But I'd been placed here for a reason, and I'd be damned if I wouldn't do my best to accomplish that. SI/OC fic. Rated M for coarse language, and coarse language alone. (This story is discontinued! For more sort-of-Kōmori, visit my new fic, Lightning in a Bottle.)
1. Chapter 1

" _Ugh, fuck… Why's the world so fuzzy? Where are my glasses?_ '

I yawn and reach up to rub at my eyes. Except, there's one problem- these aren't my hands, a revelation that sends me into an advanced state of 'what the living _fuck_ '. Last time I checked, my hands were bigger than my cheeks. And just what had happened to the scar just below my right thumb? Since when were my fingers so… _stubby_?

I tried to ball the (my?) fingers into a fist, but apparently my motor control had, along with my glasses and the top third of my fingers, fucked off to La La Land. Hmph. This was going to be problematic, I could tell. Well, laying around wasn't going to help, and I shouldn't need fine motor control to sit up, right?

Naturally, this endeavor turned out to be a major fucking failure. As soon as I put a miniscule fraction of my body weight on my arms, they gave out, and I fell back onto the bed with a cry. Variations of ' _Fuck!_ ' ran through my head as it hit whatever I was laying on (soft - a pillow?), and my eyes filled with tears.

' _How fucking embarrassing_ ,' I thought. I wasn't a fucking baby that cried whenever something went wrong, but this was so fucking _frustrating_! Since when was I so weak that I couldn't even sit up? I sniffled, desperately trying not to make a sound. I would not cry, I would not cry, I would _not_ cry…

And, I was crying. Wails ripped themselves out of my throat, and my limbs flailed against my will. From somewhere far away, footsteps thundered, and a door flew open. Of fucking course my little hissy fit would get spectators. A brown blob (human, presumably) ran over to me and… picked me up. _Picked me up_ , like I was a sack of fucking potatoes, or something.

What the _fuck_? Had I shrunk? Had I been magically transported into some kind of dimension full of giants? Was I just really fucking high? Either way, crying didn't seem so bad anymore. I guess the person ( a woman?) disagreed, because she rocked me and cooed something that probably would have been soothing if it was in fucking English. As it was, it wasn't, so I freaked out just a little bit. Well, maybe more than a _little_ … Yeah, I was fucking losing my shit. Can you blame me? I'm apparently surrounded by giants (Japanese giants? I didn't speak the language, but I'd watched enough anime to recognize it), or I've been shrunk, or I'm some kind of…

Oh my God. Oh my _fucking_ God. I was a baby. I was a fucking _baby_. It shouldn't make sense, but it _did_ , and oh my fuck, how was this possible? Had I been… Reincarnated? But that mean I was dead, and I didn't remember dying, except I did remember now! Which was great, and good, and made me cry, which made the lady holding me panic, and then everything kind of went to shit.

She rocked me in her arms for what felt like forever until my wails turned into quiet sniffles. I wanted to thank her for helping me, but I didn't think babies were supposed to talk, and it didn't seem like she spoke English, anyway.

Who was she, anyway? Something in the back of my mind told me that she was my mom, but surely that wasn't possible. My mom was older, and skinnier, and… in a different world. Right. The thought shoved a lump in my throat, and not breaking out into tears again was a struggle. It didn't make _sense_ , though. I hated my old mom. Why would I be sad? How could little things like apple jelly on toast make my heart ache?

I was just being irrational, I decided. I'd been suddenly sprung into a new situation, and my mind just wasn't handling the stress well. It happens, right? Everybody has those bad days where you just, like, die and get reincarnated as a fucking baby! What a normal and pedestrian situation I'm in!

A soft sigh punts my train of thought off of its tracks. Ah, right. My… new mom? Maybe? Man, that was weird. As soon as I learned how to ask in her language, I'd get her name, because I was _not_ calling her Mom. However much I hated her, the woman I called Mom was far, far away from here.

The woman (ugh) softly smiles at me, and I decide to call her Tall, Dark, and Gorgeous (TDG for short), because holy _fuck_ , she's pretty. A little too old for me, and also probably my mom, but still pretty. She had warm bronze skin, and dark eyes that reminded me of a cup of black coffee. Long, curly brown bangs framed her face, swaying whenever she moved her head. She smiled and asked me something in what I was now _pretty_ sure was Japanese. I didn't understand, but her smile was contagious, so I sniffled and smiled back. TDG laughed triumphantly and asked me something in Japanese again.

Well, as far as moms went, I guess I could have done worse.

* * *

People didn't generally give newborns watches, so I didn't really have a way to keep track of time, and the days kind of blended together. It wasn't entirely unpleasant, though. Sure, it felt like my teenage brain was rotting from boredom, and there were some _incredibly_ uncomfortable things (if I ever see another diaper, it'll be too soon), but how long had it been since I'd regularly gotten more than 5 hours of sleep?

I guess my parents were popular, because most of my waking moments were spent gurgling at strangers to entertain them. One of my first visitors (at least, that I was awake for) was a man with spiky black hair and a matching beard. Something in the back of my mind told me I knew him, but I ignored it until I noticed his headband. His _headband_. Either this guy was a really dedicated cosplayer, or I had been reborn into the fucking _Naruto_ universe, and my parents were chummy with Asuma Sarutobi.

Well, shit.

After meeting Asuma, I sort of resigned myself to the fact that, yep, I was Naruto character now. I wished I had some kind of way to tell _when_ , though. I mean, Asuma was alive, so I wasn't Boruto's age, but he also had his beard, so I wasn't, like, Kakashi's age or something. The Sandaime came to visit me, too, so not only was I apparently the most important baby in the world, I was born… sometime close to the Rookie 9? I mean, I might have been Itachi's age, or something, but he was alive, so I was born before the Konoha Crush. Man… what a crappy time to be born. I was the farthest thing from athletic, so I wasn't really sure how I'd do as a ninja, but I couldn't just laze about and let myself become canon fodder. I had people that cared about me, and I wouldn't do that to them.

I couldn't tell if TDG was a ninja, but she probably came from a ninja family, since I was always fucking _drowning_ in them. There were a few that, like Asuma, visited fairly often, but most of them seemed like they were only visiting out of courtesy.

There was another man, though. He visited more often than Asuma, but not as often as TDG, and never at the same time. Could he be my father? I didn't really know what I looked like, but we had the same skin tone (darker than TDG), and I couldn't really come up with any other reason for his being here so often. He didn't wear a headband either, but he had a large scar that ran from just under his right ear to under his chin, so I doubted he was a civilian.

Now that I thought about it, TDG had bandages on her arms, and I doubted civilians did that, either. Well, if they had a newborn baby, I guess it made sense for them to retire, if only until I grew up. What would they consider "grown up", though? If 12 year olds were old enough to be soldiers, it probably wasn't all that old. I liked to think that my parents were better than that, though, however wishful it was.

They did seem to be good people, though. I didn't really know them outside of how they acted around their daughter. My dad, who I'd decided to call You're Very Quiet But I Enjoy Talking To You (YVQBIETTY, or Bietty), wasn't as loud as TDG, but he seemed polite enough, and he always had a smile to spare for me. I'd come to the conclusion that he and TDG were taking shifts caring for me, which explained why I rarely saw them in the same room. It was kind of cute, but I wasn't really sure if it was necessary. Babies were supposed to cry all the time, sure, but I was hardly a normal baby, and I'd feel bad if I kept them up all night taking care of me.

Days continued to blur into weeks, and weeks into months. Eventually, my parents started trying to get me to talk. I'd picked up a few basic verbs, too, but I didn't think I was supposed to have that kind of comprehension yet, so I kept them to myself. It was kind of frustrating, just barely understanding what people were saying.

"Kōmori, do you know who I am?" Bietty- no, _Sasayaki_ , that was his name, asked. I grappled with the urge to roll my eyes. I knew I was supposed to be a baby, but holy _fuck_ , this was annoying. Of fucking course I knew who he was; half of my time was spent with him. I liked him, though, so I graced him with a "Tōchan!" and an adorable pat on his nose. I would never dream of calling myself _prideful_ , but I'd be damned if I wasn't a fucking adorable baby.

Clearly, TDG… or, rather, Tabiki, agreed, because she gasped and leaned forward in her chair. "Mori, what about me, kore?

Who am I?" Again, I kindly and tactfully resisted the urge to sass at them. They had been good to me, so it might have been kind of rude… And besides, were babies even supposed to know how to sigh dramatically? I'd have to test that later.

"Kāchan!" I declared. Tabiki was too far away to poke, so I settled for pointing at her. She swooned and picked me up, and I reflected upon the fact that I couldn't be more than a few months old, but I was already a ladies' lady. Well, with my dazzling good looks, what did I expect? Not that I actually knew what I looked like, but people never seemed to think babies were ugly, so I supposed that applied to me, too.

Being swung around got kind of annoying after a while, so I patted her cheek until she set me back down in my highchair. Sasayaki's shoulders convulsed with his typical silent laugh. He spoke too fast and too complicatedly for me to fully understand, but I understood enough to tell that he was telling Tabiki that I hated her. She was sort of tiring, sure, but I didn't _hate_ her, and I would _not_ let this stand,

"No! No!" I shouted. Sasayaki blinked. I pointed at Tabiki. "Like!" The choppiness was embarrassing, but I could probably get away with it, being a baby. Tabiki's mouth opened and closed like a dying fish, and her eyes were wide as saucers. I frowned and turned to Sasayaki, whose eyebrows were higher than a kite. Had I done something wrong?

I banged my stubby fists on the table, and they started. Tabiki started to say something, but apparently thought better of it, and sighed instead. Sasayaki exhaled, ran a hand down his face, and muttered something I didn't understand. What the fuck was wrong now? I sighed dramatically and slumped in my seat. It seemed like no matter what life I was in, grownups were fucking _weird_.

* * *

Ah... it's kind of annoying that FF doesn't allow indentation. I know it's impossible, but in the dark recesses of my mind, my English teacher is criticizing my poor formatting...

In any case, thanks for reading, and, like, _super_ thanks to those who followed and/or favorited, even though what I had earlier was kind of... _eh_. Admitting this is kind of embarrassing, but I couldn't help but smile when I saw the notifications, haha. I'm sort of a novice, so knowing that people enjoyed my writing enough to want to see another chapter is really reassuring!

I was heavily inspired by Silver Queen's _Dreaming of Sunshine_ and Lang Noi's _Catch Your Breath_ , so if you enjoyed this, you might enjoy those! They're both 100+ chapters, too, so they should be able to tide you over until I publish the next chapter. They're really good, too, so even if you aren't, by some miracle of nature, desperate to see Chapter 2, you should read them anyway.


	2. Chapter 2

Apparently, I was not supposed to be talking yet.

In retrospect, I probably should have been more cautious regarding my speech. I'd been hoping to pass as a normal baby, but my stupid little blunder almost certainly threw a wrench in that plan. Damn... I couldn't stop talking, because they'd notice, and I couldn't pretend I'd just been babbling, because I'd made the stupid fucking hand gestures, and everything.

Ugh. It's a bird, it's a plane, it's Super-Kōmori here to make poor decisions!

Sigh. At this point, there wasn't really a point to changing the way I talked. My vocabulary had sort of plateaued at an impressive ten nouns and 3 verbs, so it wasn't like I had speech to curb. Sure, not understanding things could get annoying, but always having to watch what I say would be even more annoying, so I wouldn't complain. Much. Too much.

Okay, I complained a lot. I didn't really have much else to do. The most excitement I got was the fairly regular trips outside. I was small and fragile, so I wasn't running around or anything, but it was a break from the monotony of home life, and I liked watching people go on with their lives. If I was older, it might have been creepy, but I always got away with a smile and a wave. It's, like, physically impossible for adults to stay angry at an adorable baby like me. What were the odds that I'd retain my dashing good looks as a teenager? I liked to think they were high, but knowing my luck, I'd probably grow up to be a fucking potato or something.

Well, for now, I was a cute ass baby. Speaking of... what did I look like?

I mean, I knew I was fucking adorable, and that I had dark skin, but Tabiki and Sasayaki had never put me in front of a mirror, so that was just about all I knew. I might as well ask, but… how the fuck would I? I could barely say "No," let alone ask for things I didn't know the word for.

'Might as well get on with it,' I decided one day. I could avoid it all I liked, but I'd figure out eventually, so why not now?

I pounded my stubby fists on the highchair I was sitting in. Sasayaki, who was washing dishes in front of me, shut the sink off and turned around. "What is it, Kōmori?" he asked, placing a pair of rubber gloves in his apron pocket. God, I'd never get used to that. It was like seeing a lumberjack prancing around in a tutu, or something. Not bad, necessarily, but certainly unexpected.

Ugh, fuck, how was I going to say this? "I want," I started. Sasayaki squatted in front of my highchair so we were more or less the same height. "I want, ah," I repeated. He frowned.

"What do you want?" he asked, like I wasn't trying to fucking tell him. God, grownups were fucking annoying. I waved my arms around in a circle, but his frown only deepened. "A plate?" I shook my head and gestured again. "A… cup?" Try again. "Bowl?"

Yeah, we weren't going to get anywhere like this. He only looked more confused when I raised my arms, but he picked me up anyway. I wiggled until I was in optimal guiding position and pointed to the hallway. We walked around, following my (admittedly poor) directions, until we found the bathroom. Aha!

I made grabby motions at the large mirror and he stepped towards it. My eyesight still wasn't great, but I could see his perplexed expression in the mirror, as well as… me. Huh.

I was right when I called myself a cute baby (bias? What bias? I didn't have any bias). Curly black hair framed an adorably chubby face, and sleepy black eyes followed my hand as it reached up to tug at a lock. Given my parents' appearances, I probably should have expected this, but it was still nice to know that I wasn't too different from how I'd looked in my old life. Maybe this time, I'd get to skip the acne.

I looked up at Sasayaki. We had the same dark skin, and the same sleepy eyes, and the same black hair, and… Tabiki had none of those things. Now that I thought about it, I hardly looked like Tabiki at all. I'd probably end up looking like Sasayaki when I grew up (minus the scar, hopefully). Well, was that so bad? He wasn't as cute as I'd hoped I'd be, but he had a sort of rough charm, like a lumberjack, or something.

Said lumberjack was watching me with a bemused expression. "What are you doing, Kōmori?" he asked, gently pulling my hair from my hands. I huffed. It wasn't like I was going to pull it out of my fucking scalp, or something.

I turned around and raised my arms. "I want me!" He picked me up, just as confused as before. I squirmed until I was facing the mirror again. "Me!" I repeated, pointing at the mirror. He 'ah'ed in realization. I reached up to play with my hair again, but he gently pushed my arm back down. 'Whose fucking hair is it, again?' I grumbled mentally, letting him stop me despite my aversion. I didn't have a chance of actually resisting, but it's the thought that counts, isn't it?

He sighed, and we walked out of the bathroom. "You," he mumbled, just loud enough to hear, "are a strange child."

* * *

Time continued to pass, and I soon found myself celebrating my second birthday. By then, I'd started teething (ow, ow, ow), and I was able to run around, if not as well as I used to. I didn't know much about babies, but I was pretty sure that kids weren't supposed to start moving at this level yet. Tabiki and Sasayaki didn't freak like they had when I started talking, though. In fact, they'd been the ones to helping me learn (or, rather, re-learn. Did it count if it was in a different body?).

I got the feeling that most of the people at the party were there for the party, rather than for me. I didn't mind. At this age, I wouldn't be expected to hold conversations with them, but most people were still exhausting to be around.

Tabiki, Sasayaki, and Asuma were pretty much the only people I could stand, but they were sitting around the kitchen table with six other people. It was actually pretty crowded. Everything seemed big to me, given my current diminutive stature, but I was pretty sure kitchens weren't meant to hold nine people. The Sandaime had left before long, so it wasn't as crowded as it had been, but it was still pretty sucky. Well, sucky for them. I was stuck in a playpen, colloquially known as "Baby Prison", and thus wasn't anywhere near the adults. My cellmate was doing his own thing in a separate corner, so I ignored him and watched the adults' conversation.

A brown-haired woman with red fangs under her eyes slapped Sasayaki on the back hard enough to push him forward. She seemed familiar, but I couldn't place her until my eyes landed on the big ass fucking wolf sitting next to her. That was Tsume, wasn't it? And if she was Tsume, then the wolf was Kuromaru, and the young girl that had been with her was… Hana? Huh. Who'd've thought I'd know all these canon characters so quickly?

A man with neat black hair and dark goggles put a hand on Tsume's shoulders and quietly said something that was probably an admonishment. She laughed again, but took her hand off of Sasayaki' back. A woman with graying hair clucked, presumably at Tsume. She bared her teeth in a feral grin and said something that made a tanned woman with shaved black hair laugh. Next to Sasayaki, someone with messy black hair pulled into a ponytail (a Nara?) sighed and pinched his nose. The woman with shaved hair slung an arm around his shoulders and said something loudly, to the disapproval of an older Hyūga.

Their conversation was interesting, and I would have continued watching if not for a pressure on my back. I turned around and came face to face with my cellmate, who was much too close for my comfort. "Hi!" he greeted, grinning feral. I blinked. Wild brown hair, slit pupils, red marks on his cheeks... yeah, no doubt about it, I was sitting next to Kiba Inuzaka. Who'd've thunk it? Well, besides anyone who'd made it past the first episode of Naruto. Honestly, I was kind of disappointed in myself for just now realizing.

In my defense, he hadn't exactly been all up in my face. That's not to say he was quiet, so much as he'd been wrestling with his large stuffed dog and leaving me alone. Keyword being "had been", I guess. I'd've thought he'd be louder, but you can't really expect a teenager to act the same way he did as a toddler.

Said toddler's attention turned to a rubber kunai by his thigh. He tried to spin it around his finger, and I couldn't help but wonder where he'd seen that. From Tsume, maybe? But she had two young children, so she probably shouldn't have been handling dangerous weapons around them. It couldn't be Hana, because she wouldn't have been given a weapon, so... his dad, maybe? He did have a dad, didn't he? He was never mentioned in the series, but neither were a lot of other parents, so that probably didn't mean much.

I watched him try to spin the kunai for a few moments longer before taking a shot at it myself. I wasn't very good at it, given my poor reflexes, but I was at least better than him. 'Ha! Take that, you adorable loser!'

Kiba, apparently humbled by my superior kunai twirling skills, set his down and watched me instead. It probably shouldn't have meant as much as it did, seeing as he was a toddler, but God, it felt good. 'Yes, dog child, marvel as I play with this hunk of rubber! Be astounded as I spin not one, but two kunai!'

We sat like this for a while, Kiba occasionally making appreciative noises as I displayed amazing feats of toddler dexterity. To be honest, it was mostly just me dropping the kunai, but I guess toddlers didn't really have high knife twirling standards. I didn't mind, though. I loved my family, but seeing the same couple of people over and over kind of got boring, so new friends were always appreciated. Besides, as far as friends went, an Inuzaka was hardly drawing the short end of the stick.

* * *

For a ninja family, life was surprisingly peaceful. At some point, I'd decided that, fuck it, Tabiki and Sasayaki had taken care of me all these years, so I might as well call them Mom and Dad. Well, Sasayaki would always be Sasa, but he was still my dad, if not in name. It was a small thing, really, but it helped a lot in getting over losing everything I'd known. I think it helped my parents, too. They'd never said anything, but sometimes I'd see the way their eyebrows knit together when they thought I wasn't looking, and I hated the pang of guilt it shoved in my chest. What did good people like them have to do to get cursed with a child like me?

I guess they didn't agree, because they showed me nothing but love. They always listened to my requests (garbled and broken as they were), and I could tell they were doing my best to accommodate my weirdness. Of course, it wasn't all fun and games. Hiragana and kanji were a bitch to learn how to read (let alone try to write), and the physical training I went through was absolute hell.

It was kind of weird, actually. I was pretty sure little kids weren't supposed to do super intensive exercise, but here I was, hanging off of bars and doing, like, a metric fuckton of pushups. My chakra pathways weren't fully formed yet, so we weren't really doing jutsu so much as channeling it into my legs (just my legs, which was kind of perplexing). At some point, Mom gave me a kind of half-assed explanation about how us Sarutobis have more chakra in our legs. It sounded like utter bullshit to me, but she knew better than I, so I let it go for now.

A lot of the time, Kiba and I trained together. My chakra coils were more developed than his (a fact I took endless pride in), and he wasn't a Sarutobi besides, so those days were mostly stamina training- running, push ups, things like that. It was better than stamina training alone, though, and I got to tease Kiba about my superior chakra pathways. Sure, it usually ended with both of us squabbling, but Kiba knew I was better, and that was really all that mattered.

I spent a lot of time at Kiba's house, too. Tsume had apparently been on Mom's genin team (weren't genin teams only supposed to have one kunoichi, though?), which explained why they were so close. The man with dark goggles, Unaru Aburame, had also been on their genin team, and I couldn't help but feel bad for him. I loved my mom, but I couldn't imagine dealing with her and Tsume for all those years. Their jōnin sensei, Tosho Shimura, didn't visit as often as Tsume and Unaru, but I saw her every once in a while. Her last name sent me into a minor panic the first time I heard it (Shimura? As in Danzō motherfucking Shimura?), but apparently the Shimuras were a wealthy merchant clan that had been allied with the Sarutobis since, like, for-fucking-ever. And besides, Tosho didn't seem like the kind of person that stole a kid's eye. A stick in the mud, sure, but not an eye-stealer.

All of Sasa's teammates were still active shinobi, so I didn't see them as often. Nikkō Hyūga, Sasa's jōnin sensei, was just as much of a stick in the mud as Tosho, but his son, Tokuma Hyūga, was always willing to talk to me about ninja stuff. He was an active shinobi too, if still a genin, but he and Unaru's little brother Muta always had a moment to pop by.

Sasa's genin teammates were Mōfu Nara (I knew he was one!) and Tōyu Uchiha, whose last name also made me panic. My fucking God, why was I surrounded by cursed last names? I mean, I'd known the Uchihas would be killed during my lifetime, but fucking fuck, this put the massacre in a new perspective. I'd kind of assumed that Sasuke was the only one affected, but the Uchihas had friends outside of the clan; people who would miss them when they were gone. More than ever, I hoped I would live to see Danzō die.

Speaking of living to see Danzō's death... would I? I knew I was, more or less, part of Naruto's generation, but there had never been any mention of a Kōmori Sarutobi, much less one that was childhood friends with Kiba. And for that matter, since I'd been told that Asuma was Mom's little brother, that made me his niece, right? But he hadn't had a niece in the show, just Konohamaru, and he was way too young for me to be his replacement. Mom and Asuma hadn't talked about having any other siblings, which meant that either I was in some kind of hellish universe where Konohamaru didn't exist, I was his older sister, which was also impossible, because he hadn't had a fucking older sister!

'Well,' a voice in the dark recesses of my mind said, 'he'd never been shown with his parents, either. All we know about them is that they were Anbu. And seeing as they weren't shown comforting Konohamaru at Grandpa's funeral...'

I tried to block the thought out, tried to think positive things, but over and over they repeated like a broken record. 'And if you were alive, why weren't you comforting him? Surely you're not that shitty of a person. Wouldn't Konohamaru have mentioned an older sister, too?' Fuck, fuck, fuck, I hated it, but it was so right; I shouldn't exist, something was wrong, something had went horribly, terribly, unimaginably wrong-

No. Deep breaths, clear mind. If I could be reborn into a different body, canon could change, and Konohamaru could have a big sister. I wasn't going to (I couldn't) die, and maybe Tōyu and Mom and Sasa and Grandpa and Asuma would (oh God, maybe they would), and maybe I couldn't do anything about it, but I'd damn well savor whatever time I had with them.

* * *

Exposition, thy name is Chapter Two.

Anyway, thank you all for sticking around this long! This chapter was a bitch to proofread (3k words...), but it's worth it, since y'all seem to enjoy my writing. It's all for you, my darling readers!


	3. Chapter 3

Loathe as I was to admit it, savoring my time with my loved ones was way too fucking hard.

I mean, in theory, getting people to spend time with a toddler should be easy. In practice? Not so much. Especially when you remember that one of those people (cough cough, Grandpa, cough cough) is a fucking scumbag. Sure, Kishimoto had portrayed him as a good guy, but come on, who lets an entire village hate on a fucking kid for nothing more than the circumstances of his birth?

Certainly not me, I'd decided. I hadn't met Naruto yet, seeing as I spent most of my time in the Sarutobi and Inuzaka districts, but I knew that we'd be going to the academy at the same time, if not in the same year. And, yeah, I'd be going to the academy. It wasn't that I wanted to become a career murderer, so much as the Hokage's granddaughter might as well be legally obligated to become a shinobi. Hell, I'd probably be expected to make jōnin too, if Mom and Asuma were any indication.

Well, even if I hadn't done anything to merit such a reputation, it wasn't all that bad. I mean, sure, I'd be expected to become a nuk nin or something, but nobody would stop me from befriending Naruto, and canon wouldn't leave much room for weakness. Not if I didn't want to get absolutely fucking decimated, anyway.

With that in mind, I put my all into training. Mom had probably been surprised when her previously unmotivated daughter suddenly morphed into some kind of student athlete, but I couldn't bring myself to care about the repurcussions. I had chakra to control, and ups to push, and absolutely no fucking time for any pretenses of normalcy.

Well, maybe a little time. Kiba was still a toddler, and thus not the greatest company, but Hana was always willing to talk, and I'd managed to wrangle her into teaching me medical jutsu once I entered the academy. It wasn't nearly close enough for my tastes, but it was better than nothing, and I sort of, technically didn't have the chakra control for it. I'd never admit it, of course, but I couldn't exactly ignore it either. I was working on it, though! I wasn't even in the academy yet, but I could stick, like, a bajillion leaves to my forehead. And I didn't need to sit still, either! Like, I don't mean to toot my own horn, but I was pretty fucking amazing (for a toddler).

I couldn't afford to rest on my laurels, though, so I continued to train, and train some more, and very tactfully not lose my shit when I learned that I was going to be having a little brother.

* * *

Those first couple of months could best be described as… a learning experience, because boy oh boy, was I fucking learning.

I learned that the Naruto universe was actually super cool about gender and shit. It wasn't perfect (cough cough, child soldiers, cough cough), of course, but nobody really seemed to give people shit about it, or they learned quickly. Then again, I wouldn't want to tell someone who could kill me in an instant that their gender was invalid either.

It came up when Mom and Sasa told me that, hey, I was gonna get a little brother! Apparently Sasa was the one who'd be giving birth to the baby (presumably Konohamaru), and had given birth to me. They probably assumed that my smile was because I was getting a little brother, and it probably was, but only in part. Back in my old world, trans people got a lot of flack for simply existing; forget about having a kid. It was shitty, and I was glad to be rid of it, but I'd sort of assumed that the Elemental Nations would be the same. I was, of course, mega fucking glad that it wasn't, and maybe a little sad that I hadn't expected people to treat other people decently, but definitely not surprised. People could spit fire and, like, shit wind or something, so why would they bother?

I didn't get much time to dwell on it, though; between learning kenjutsu (more like kenjutsu theory, really) from Sasa and calligraphy from Mom, I was absolutely fucking swamped. Speaking of calligraphy…

I groaned and returned my brush to its inkwell (delicately- if Mom's rant was anything to go by, these things were fucking expensive). I guessed calligraphy would be useful, but my fucking God, was it boring. I would've fallen asleep if not for the drying ink on the paper in front of me.

Mom looked up from her scroll. "You done, kore?"

"No, but I'm sore. Can't we be done already?" I slumped in my seat and pouted. Nobody wanted to sit in a chair and paint shitty, wobbly kanji, teenage brain or not.

She frowned. "You did your stretches, didn't you?" Oh, come on. That wasn't what I was trying to say, and she fucking knew it.

"Well… yeah, but I'm bored! And calligraphy is dumb. Why do I have to do it?"

"Because, Mori," she answered, "it's the first step to learning a super cool art form. And it'll give you a head start in kunoichi classes! Don't even try and pretend you don't like bragging."

I mean, yeah, I guess, but... "I don't wanna go to kunoichi classes. Hana says they only teach dumb stuff, like tea making. I already know how to make tea!" Ah, but, hold on a moment. "You said something about a 'super cool art form'?"

Mom grinned. "Sure fu- sure did! You know what fūinjutsu is, kore?"

"Uh, not really." 'Being a kid sucks, but at least I get to laugh as adults almost curse in front of me. Yes, grownup, teach me swear words! Let me say fuck!'

Her grin faded, but only slightly. "Well, it's, uh,"

"You do know what it is, right?" I asked.

"Of course I do! I just need a moment to put it into words." She was silent for a moment more. "How's your math, kore?"

"Good enough."

She blinked, like she'd expected another answer. "Uh, well, okay. I guess a kid wouldn't know about formulas, so, um. Fūinjutsu is kind of… like writing a story! Or, no, it's more like cooking, kore! Because you put two things together, two ingredients, 'n you get the seal, or the food, or whatever!"

I nodded. "What're the ingredients?"

"You don't have anything better to do, right?" It was my turn to be surprised, it seemed.

"Well, um, no?" Was I tired, or had her smile adopted a malicious tint?

"Great! Get comfortable, Mori- we're gonna be here for a while."

* * *

Pro-tip: if someone tells you to get comfortable, get the hell out of dodge. Mom said I was only there for a couple of hours, but the stiffness in my everything told me that it had been, like, years or some shit. Like, my fucking God, my legs were still asleep when I flopped into bed that evening. I was pretty sure that they were still asleep when I was woken up, too.

"Wha?" I slurred, rubbing at my eyes. My alarm clock said it was two in the fucking morning, which meant that God-fearing people like me had no business being awake. "'S… too early. Go to sleep."

"Come on, Mori, you can't sleep right now. We gotta go, so wake up," said a voice that was decidedly not one of my parents.

I rubbed at my eyes again and squinted. "Tsume-sempai? What're you doing here?"

She sighed. " Your dad's in the hospital, and your mom asked me to come get you. So are you coming or not?" She turned around and kneeled, and I almost instinctually climbed onto her back.

"Why're they in the hospital, Tsu- oh my God." Sasa! Was he- when had he- oh my God!

Tsume snorted. "Now you got it?" I nodded and she got up. "Alright. You know the drill; hang on, don't pull my hair, don't choke me, blah blah blah. One, two..." I clung tightly to her back, and she tensed. "Three!"

And then, we were moving. One of the perks (downsides? Side effects?) of grow surrounded by ninjas was quickly learning that you really didn't want your face uncovered during a Body Flicker. Tsume smelled like dog, but the musk was hardly worth a faceful of wind, so I buried my face in the crook of her neck.

Eventually, she stopped and set me down on a chair. I hadn't been to the maternity ward before (or rather, I'd only been here as a newborn), but a sign next to one of the doors told me where I was. Dad's kunoichi teammate, Tōyu, was slumped in the chair across from me, pouting and bouncing her leg. Tsume had disappeared, but Mom came out a moment later, looking a bit green.

"Mori! You're here, kore," she laughed shakily. I hummed and patted the seat next to me, and she sat down.

Tōyu snickered and slumped further in her seat. "Oho? The big, bad jōnin is scared of a little gore?" she teased.

Mom scowled halfheartedly. "Yeah, 'n you came out of there totally unscathed. Do you even have kids yet?" She snorted and pulled me to her, so my head was resting on her side and her hand was in prime hair-ruffling position. My hair was messy enough as it was, so I moved her hand, but I didn't move back into my seat. Like, who the fuck gives up a free cuddle? Certainly not me, seeing as it'll be weird in a few years.

"I- That's not- jeez!" Tōyu spluttered, sitting up and crossing her arms. Mom barked a laugh, and even I couldn't help a giggle. Tōyu only humphed and looked away.

Their back and forth banter that I probably wasn't supposed to understand as well as I did contniued for a while. At some point, my pathetic toddler stamina failed me, and I dozed off at Mom's (warm and comfortable) side.

When I woke up, Mom was gone, and Tsume was waking me up again. "You up, Mori? Sasa's out here with the baby, so if you want you can take a look now."

I yawned and surveyed the room. There Sasa was, sitting down in one of the chairs with the other adults surrounding him. I slid of the chair and absently grabbed Tsume's hand, leading her towards him and definitely not noticing her amused snort, or the way my cheeks burned.

Sasa smiled when he saw me. "Ah, Mori, you're here? Isn't it a bit past your bedtime?"

He was joking, but I shook my head in a comically serious manner, because I thrived off of positive attention. "I dunno, there'r no clocks here. But it doesn't matter, because I'm not gonna sleep until I see him. So lemme see him!"

Sasa grinned, and the burning in my cheeks grew worse. "Uh, please. And thank you." I corrected, clambering up onto the chair next to him. His shoulders shook with silent laughter as he shifted so I could see the baby better.

He was sleeping, so I couldn't see his eyes, but he had a tuft of brown hair, and his skin was just a shade lighter than mine. That was… weird. I was pretty sure he hadn't been that dark in the show. Had my existence changed his appearance?

It was a stupid thing to be proud of, but I couldn't help the grin that split my lips as I gently stroked his cheek. I might die tragically, but at least I had made a lasting impact, even if it was something as minor as a character's skin color.

"He's all wrinkly. Is that normal?"

Mom snorted and reached out to ruffle my hair. "That's what babies are supposed to look like, Mori. He'll start looking more human when he grows up."

"Tabi," Sasa started. I ignored them, absorbed in observing my brother. My brother, Konohamaru. My dark-skinned-because-of-me little brother Konohamaru.

I felt a lot of things right then: scared for him, protective of him, determined to do better, glad that I hadn't been named Konohako, but mostly, I just felt tired.

Well, I'd seen my little brother, so I supposed I could sleep now, couldn't I?

* * *

Geez… This one's a bit short, but I accidentally ended up re-writing the entire chapter today, the day that I'm supposed to update. Whoops? I mean, I just _really_ wanted to get Konohamaru in here, and all this toddler bullshit out, because it's boring as fuck and I wanna write about knives and shit.


	4. Chapter 4

My fourth birthday passed without much incident. Or, rather, any incident that may have occurred was vastly overshadowed by the fact that four days later- Monday, April 25th- I would be entering my first year at the Academy. Excited as I was, it was a miracle I got even the smallest bit of sleep that night. I'd watched the show before I died, sure, but they never really talked about what the academy was like, and even if they had, four years was a long time to remember something. The fact that I had the memory of a sleep-addled rock certainly didn't help. In fact, it would just make things harder for me in the long run. But, well, I'd cross that bridge when I got to it.

Sasa had pretty much banned sweets from the house when Mom got a cavity a few years before I was born, but apparently, he'd deemed today a special enough occasion to let me have a box of mochi. I'd thought that would be the last of the fanfare, but before we could leave, he presented a blue scarf to me.

"Oh, gosh, it's really soft," I sighed as I rubbed it against my face (what? I like soft things, okay? And besides, don't tell me you've never just rubbed a really nice blanket against your cheek, or something.) "Thank you so much for the gift, kore." I moved to put it on, but he placed a gentle, but firm hand on my wrist

"Mori, I know it's really exciting to become a ninja, but I need you to realize that this is really serious," he said, alarmingly serious. Behind him, Mom fidgeted nervously with the bandages on her sleeves.

"Ah, come on, Sasa, do we really have to…" She faltered when Sasa turned to look at her.

"Tabi, you know just as well as I do that being a ninja isn't all fun and games like they tell them." He turned back to me and smiled comfortingly. "Besides, I know you can handle it. You're a big girl now, aren't you?"

I nodded, eyes wide. Where was he going with this?

"Good. Then you know that being a ninja is dangerous." He didn't wait for me to respond before continuing, "This scarf is going to be a promise, from you, to me, to Mom, and to your little brother." All I could do was nod again. The atmosphere was so intense, it was practically paralyzing.

He took a deep breath and tugged at his matching scarf. "I made this same promise to my mom when she gave me my scarf, and Konohamaru will make the same promise when I hand him his. If you wear this scarf, you're promising that you'll do your best in school, and in life later on, and that you' ll be strong enough to not let enemies use it against you, and that you'll protect your precious people to the best of your abilites. Do you understand?"

I nodded. "Uh, yes, I understand. I promise."

His smile turned… melancholy, almost, and he gently tugged at my hair. "Of course you do. But that's not the most important part. The most important part, the thing you must never lose sight of, is _you_."

I blinked, and he shook his head fondly, "Maybe you'll understand later. But do you promise? Do you promise to do all of those things?"

I swallowed. "Yeah, Sasa. I promise."

"Then you're worthy of this scarf," he said as he wrapped it around my neck. The end trailed on the floor, but he didn't seem to mind. In fact, the ends of his scarf were frayed, just like mine would likely be.

Silence reigned supreme for a few moments before Sasa's bashful laughter overcame it. "Aha, I guess that might have been a bit too intense..."

I hadn't even realized that my muscles had tensed until I felt the tension seep from them. "A bit?"

Sasa's laughter went up a few pitches, accompanied by Mom's snickering. "Maybe you should sign up for weeding, Sasa. Or maybe you shouldn't. We want _some_ genin, after all."

"Oh, bug off, Tabi. You just wish you were more intimidating than a baby panda," he scoffed.

"I am! I'm super intimidating! I'm, like, a grizzly bear, kore!"

Sasa snorted. "Whatever you say, _Princess_."

I tugged on Sasa's shirt before Mom could do more than splutter. He looked down, and I tapped my wrist. ' _Tick-tock; please don't fight or flirt or whatever this supremely uncomfortable thing you two are doing is._ '

He didn't get the entire message, but it was enough to get him to look at the clock on the wall. "We can discuss your extensive insecurities later, Tabi. You ready to go?" he asked me. I was pretty sure, but it certainly wouldn't be the first time I'd forgotten something, so I did a quick once-over- shoes, check; shorts, check; glasses, check; adorable poncho that I was definitely going to make my thing, check.

I hummed in confirmation, and Sasa clapped his hands. "Allllright. Then, we're off."

"I thought school started at eight?" The clock told me that it was about 7:20. Did it really take forty minutes to get there?

"The Academy's, like, super far away," Mom explained. "And you don't wanna be late to your first day of school, do you?" She took on Grandpa's deep rasp, albeit much more giggly, and said, "As the Hokage's granddaughter, you have to set a good example for your peers." We both snickered at that; we'd heard those exact words (if slightly different for Mom) so often we practically had them memorized.

Sasa, who was leaning against the open doorframe with Konohamaru in his hands, snorted. I guess he'd had his fair share of "be a role-model" talks, even if he wasn't actually related to Grandpa. "Come on, you two. We don't have all day."

* * *

Mom wasn't exaggerating when she said that the Academy was super far away. We were closer than Kiba, who was practically on the opposite side of the village from it, but it still took a good half-hour, to get there. Mom and Sasa probably could've gotten there in, like, five minutes, but Konohamaru and I could barely handle that kind of speed, much less travel at it. I don't think they really minded, though. The weather was a pleasant 15 degrees Celsius (changing systems had taken forever to get used to, but Fahrenheit's literal non-existence helped ), and the sun shone brightly. People were in their yards planting flowers, or sitting outside at cafes, and most of them waved at us as we passed. It was surreal, being known by pretty much everybody, but I didn't mind. Anything that got me discounts at stores was a good thing in my book.

When we got there, there was a group of students and parents standing in the schoolyard in front of the building. Oh, dear God in heaven, I hadn't been prepared for this. Sure, I knew that there would be other people, but I hadn't really acknowledged it until now.

' _Hello social anxiety, my old friend,_ ' I thought as my knees locked up. Mom, whose hand I was holding, looked back. "You good, kore?"

I smiled wanly. "Yeah. It's just…" I licked my lips and looked at the crowd. "A lot. A lot of people, that is."

Sasa reached down to pat my head. "Don't worry. I'm sure they'll love you. And besides, it's only a few hours. You'll be fine." In his arms, Konohamaru gurgled. My smile grew less sickly, and I gently stroked his cheek.

"You ready, now?" Mom squeezed my hand, and I nodded. She grinned, and we entered the yard. Tsume, Kuromaru, and Kiba, who were standing by the wall, made their way towards us.

"How is it," asked Tsume, "that we made it here before you? We literally live on the other side of the village." She raised an unimpressed eyebrow, and Kiba snickered. Kuromaru rolled his eyes and sat down, likely just as unimpressed as Tsume. I wouldn't know unless he told me, and he didn't talk a lot, so that was pretty unlikely.

"We were having an important family bonding moment," Mom shot back. "And we're not even late, so you can just hush, flea-brain." I nodded solemnly. We were early, actually, so she really shouldn't've be talking smack.

"Bonding moments can wait until after school, can't they?" asked Tsume. Mom opened her mouth to rebut, but her comeback was stopped short by the fact that, well, she sort of had a point. She frowned for a few moments, before deciding that a simple "It wouldn't be the same!" would just have to do.

Tsume scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Yeah, whatever…" She trailed off, looking at the crowd. They were all congregating around a person or two (I couldn't see through or over the adults), murmuring among themselves. As we joined the group, someone cleared their throat, and the talking stopped. Through a gap in the crowd, I saw that the person was none other than Grandpa. On either of his sides was a chūnin; the instructors, presumably. The chūnin on the left was a middle-aged woman, with gray hair and cutting green eyes. The other chūnin was, taking into account the time period and his appearance, probably Iruka-sensei.

Grandpa cleared his throat again and, seeing that everybody was listening, began his speech.

"Friends and family, good morning. I'm honored to welcome all of you, new and returning students alike, to another school year at our Konoha Academy." He went on about us students being representatives of not just our village, but our country, and how our sworn duty would be to protect the weak. At least, I thought he did. I'd decided to space out, rather than listen to his propaganda- I'd had enough of that in my last life.

While he talked, I thought about I was going to handle the school thing. It wasn't that I thought I'd have a hard time of it. Rather, I knew it would be _too_ easy (I'd have a easy time of it?), thanks to my being a teenager mentally, if not physically. Originally, I'd thought I might just continue on as a relatively above-average kid, but I had no idea what "relatively above-average" actually looked like. Some things, like handwriting, I could get away with because of the training I was already doing. It wouldn't be so simple with things like math, though- what kind of kid knew trigonometry, like I did? Did toddlers know about isotopes and sentence structures and economic depressions?

My train of thought was punted into the abyss by polite clapping. Apparently, Grandpa had concluded his speech. The applause persisted for a few moments before a new, significantly less raspy voice spoke up.

"Alright! Welcome one, welcome all! I'm Kyōiku Yawarakai, and this is my colleague Iruka Umino. If the first years and their families could stay here, we'll get you all sorted into classes. Everybody else, get to class! You don't wanna be late on your first day, do you?" She flapped her hands, and the majority of the people in the yard filtered out to wherever they were supposed to be.

The remainders packed in closer to Kyōiku-sensei. She handed a clipboard to Iruka-sensei, who thanked her quietly before blanching. What was up with him?

"I'll be teaching Class One," said Kyōiku-sensei. "And that'll be…" I only paid enough attention to be able to discern my name, but I didn't hear it. Eventually, she finished reading, and about half the crowd left. Iruka-sensei exhaled deeply and smiled. Was he nervous? This wasn't his first class, was it? I mean, he'd had a class before us, hadn't he?

"Hello, everybody. I'm Iruka Umino, and I'll be reading- er, teaching Class Two. Uh, I'm fairly sure you're all in my class, since there're only two classes, but I guess there's no harm in making sure. Better safe than sorry, after all." He laughed stiffly and (presumably) read off of his clipboard. It was mostly as expectd; the Rookie Nine, and several background characters, like Ami and her friends. Kiba and I high-dived when his name was called, and my eyes flickered over to a lonely blonde when Iruka-sensei stumbled over Naruto's name. His parents had been killed in the attack, hadn't they? I… supposed that might be awkward. I'd still best him bluer than the ocean if he mistreated Naruto, though. Kyuubi or not, Naruto was a little kid. He hadn't even _done_ anything, save being fucking born.

Yes, that settled it. I was going to be his best friend ever, and not even the hottest of women could convince me to stop.

* * *

Kiba and I said our goodbyes to Tsume and my parents, and we followed Iruka-sensei to the classroom. Everybody sat with the friends they'd made, but Naruto was sitting all alone in the right corner of the classroom. Man, that was just fucking sad. My social anxiety must have agreed, because it just sort of took a seat and promised to make me get embarrassed about some ridiculously mundane thing later.

I tugged on Kiba's sleeve and tilted my head towards Naruto. "You wanna sit with 'im, dogbreath?" I asked in my "you don't really have a choice; I'm just asking to be polite" voice. He frowned and looked around the classroom, then shrugged.

"Don't see why not, bird's nest." I scowled and elbowed his side as we walked over. My hair wasn't _that_ messy.

I cleared my throat, and Naruto looked up. The wary look he gave me was like a stake to my heart. No little kid should be this mistrustful, ever. I wanted to, like, give him a hug or something, but that would be rude. "You mind if we sit here?" I asked instead.

He shook his head, wide-eyed, and scooted over so he was by the wall. Kiba grinned and thanked him, and I sent him a soft smile of my own. "So what's your name?"

"Uhm…" he trailed off, before regaining his bearings. "I'm Naruto Uzumaki. 'tebbayo!"

I grinned. Seeing Naruto sad was like seeing the sky turn green, in that it just felt _wrong_. "Well, Naruto, it's very nice to meet you. I'm Kōmori Sarutobi. You can just call me Mori, if you want."

"And I'm Kiba Inuzaka! And don't believe what bird's nest over here says; I'm totally the better ninja."

"Yeah right, dogbreath," I snorted. "Maybe if you actually tried during training. For now, I'm better than you, kore."

Naruto made a face. "Aren't we supposed to start training in the Academy?"

"Well, that's what a lot of people do," I told him. "But most clan kids start their training early, especially if you've got a kekkei genkai like me, or a clan jutsu like Kiba."

Kiba started to say something, but he stopped abruptly. "You have a kekkei genkai?"

Naruto pouted in (adorable) confusion. "What's a kekkei genkai?"

Aw, fuck. I didn't really like talking about it, but I probably didn't have a choice at this point. "Well, a kekkei genkai is a special ability that people of a certain bloodline have. Like the Uchiha's Sharingan, or the Hyūga's Byakugan."

Naruto nodded, but Kiba just wouldn't give up. "You didn't tell us about your kekkei genkai, though."

"Well, it's not really that big of a deal," I mumbled. "But, ah, my legs are really strong, so I can channel chakra really easily with them. I told you, it's not really that big of a deal. All I can do is jump really high."

"So that's why!" Kiba exclaimed. "You've been cheating the entire time!"

"I have not! I'm just naturally better than you," I shot back.

Again, whatever Kiba was about to say was interrupted. This time, though, the culprit was Naruto. "How high can you jump?" he blurted. My eyebrows knit together. It wasn't that cool, was it?

"Uh, maybe… a meter?" I hazarded.

"Cool!" Naruto breathed, leaning towards me. I frowned and leaned back.

"Not really, kore. I mean, I guess I can show you after school?"

Naruto nodded enthusiastically. I managed a small, if absolutely bemused, smile. It really wasn't all that cool, but I guess if it made Naruto happy I didn't mind.

Iruka-sensei called for silence, and with a little bit of struggling, it was achieved. "Alright, class," he said, "we're all going to introduce ourselves now. I'll call you up, and you'll tell us…" He paused and bit his lip. "What your favorite food is!" He smiled and clapped his hands. "Okay, then, first up is…"

The introductions were mostly what you'd expect from a bunch of five and six-year olds. I payed only superficial attention to them, excluding Kiba's and Naruto's. Well, I didn't pay much attention to them, either, but I at least caught that their favorite foods were, respectively, beef jerky and ramen (of course). Our classmates laughed when Naruto said that he was going to be Hokage. I smiled too, but for a different reason- he'd show them, wouldn't he?

Sometime before Naruto went up, I was called to the floor. Not by name, though. Iruka-sensei had, naturally, decided that calling, "Honorable Granddaughter" and looking right at me was the best way to do thing. I slunk down the stairs, the gazes of my peers burning holes in my back.' _Fuck, fuck, fuck. Come on, anxiety, we were doing so good before!'_

"Um, I'm Kōmori Sarutobi, kore. And, uh, I guess my favorite food is gyudon. With shichimi, of course!" If I'd thought I knew suffering before now, I was dead fucking wrong. "Uh… Please take care of me,." I finished, mumbling. The other children clapped politely, and I sprinted up the stairs back to my seat. I had to endure a bit of teasing from Kiba and (surprisingly enough) Naruto, but it was eventually forgotten.

* * *

Holy fuck, was school boring. It was like spending five fucking hours watching a children's show that you'd never even been fond of, anyway. We weren't even actually taught anything, either. Sensei just went over what we'd be learning, and what we'd have to ask out parents to buy. Then we got another spiel about how _great_ Konoha was, and how _blessed_ we were to have been born here. I didn't feel very blessed.

Eventually, the school day ended, and we flooded out into the yard. Naruto, Kiba, and I, for some reason, decided to hang out by the tree with the swingset. You know, _that_ tree with the swingset. Kind of ironic, wasn't it?

"Show us!" Naruto demanded out of the motherfucking blue.

I blinked, confused. "Show you what?"

"You know, your kekke… kekkei… your jumping thing, 'ttebayo!"

"Oh, my kekkei genkai." Well, my parents weren't here yet, and neither was Tsume, so I supposed it was alright.

"I mean, I guess there's no problem with that. But, uh, can one of you hold my bag?" I shrugged it off and handed it to Kiba, who'd held his arm out. Then I backed away from the tree so I wouldn't hit my head on one of the branches, channeled what little chakra I had into my legs, and jumped. One of the first things I'd been taught about using my kekkei genkai was that you should never, ever land, so I grabbed one of the lower branches and pushed myself up onto it.

"I told you, it's not that co- don't worry, sensei, I'm fine. Yes, I can get down. It's not hard. Look, look, I'm coming down now, okay?" Apparently, Kyōuki-sensei had been in the schoolyard with us, making sure that we didn't hurt ourselves.

' _Well,'_ I thought as I climbed down, ' _I guess this would be pretty scary for her. She isn't a Sarutobi, or a Shimura, so she's have no reason to know about this._ ' I landed on the ground with a grunt and dusted off my slightly raw palms. Kyōiku-sensei was standing at the base of the tree, running a hand through her hair like she'd had a very long day.

"Honorable Granddaughter, please, be more careful," she fretted. I had to reassure her that yes, I was fine and no, I wasn't injured, for like, five minutes. Didn't people get embarrased, needing reassurance from a four year-old? I knew I would've, even if I myself was technically four.

Eventually, sensei left, and Kiba tossed me my backpack. "Cheater."

"I told you, dogbreath, I'm just better. And besides, you're gonna get your ninken soon, and then you'll have an advantage too." Kiba calmed down a little at that, but Naruto was still apparently enthused by my display.

"That was so cool, Mori!" he breathed.

Welcome to Embarassment City; population: me. "Not really. There are people in my clan who can jump over buildings, 'n stuff. I'm not even that good."

"But you are! You were all like, fwoosh, and then the branch was like, wabam! And then sensei came out and she kind if ruined it, but it was still cool!" he protested.

"What was kind of cool?"

All three of us whirled around. Sasa had, I deduced, snuck behind us while we were distracted by my kekkei genkai. That was jōnin parents for ya, I guessed.

"You're late," I told him.

"And you're not supposed to use chakra outside of training," Sasa countered easily. Well, he had me there.

His eyes flickered over to Naruto, and his face did something complicated for just a split second. "Who's this?"

Naruto tensed for a moment. This time, though, he didn't relax. I guessed it made sense that adults would garner a different reaction than children. "U-uh, I'm Naruto Uzumaki, 'ttebayo."

He hummed. "Well, , where're your parents?" Oh _come on_. He had to know. He was a jōnin! _And_ the fucking Hokage's son-in-law! There was no chance in hell that he didn't know!

"U-uhm, well.. They're not…" Naruto mumbled. "I don't have any." Oh my fuck, this was too much. What the hell was Sasa doing? You don't just ask an orphan about their parents!

"Ah, I'm sorry," he bullshitted. Well, Sasa was being a dick, but I could at least use this to my advantage.

"Naruto, if you don't have anything to do later, do you wanna come over for dinner?"

Naruto froze up. "Is that… Is that okay, 'ttebayo?" he asked Sasa.

"If you don't have anything to do," he repeated. Naruto grinned nervously, and Kiba clapped him on the back. "Oh, Kiba, Tsume should be here soon." He looked at the sky and frowned. "But she's kind of late, even for her. Do you want me to walk you home?"

"Nah. I can just eat with you guys. Mom always looks for me at your house, anyway."

* * *

"I'm home," I called as I pushed open our front door. Mom looked up from the pot she was hunched over (something with eggs and… beef?).

"Ah, welcome back. How was school?" Her lips melted into a frown when she saw Kiba, and then a gape when her eyes landed on Naruto. "And, uh, who's this?"

"This is Naruto," Kiba answered as he shucked his shoes. "Also, hi, Tabiki. My mom didn't come on time so Sasa said I could eat dinner here."

"Uh, well, I guess I have enough food for everybody." She stirred the food once more and looked at Naruto, who still hadn't taken his shoes off. "You are staying, aren't you?"

Naruto started. "Uh, yes! Thank you, 'ttebayo!" Mom turned towards the stove, but I didn't miss the way she winced. She hadn't asked about his parents, so she was at least doing better than Sasa, but she was still acting all weird.

During the walk back home, Kiba and Naruto had become, like, best friends or something. Neither Sasa nor I were especially talkative, so we mostly let the two boys talk each other's ears off.

' _I wonder if I would get in trouble if I asked why Mom and Sasa are all weird around Naruto?'_ But I didn't want to be rude. Well, _too_ rude. ' _Then, what about his last name? Didn't Mom tell me that the Uzumakis were all gone, or something?'_ Now that I thought about it, giving him the last name Uzumaki was a really stupid idea. Everybody and their mother wanted an Uzumaki because of their strength and shit, so changing his last name from Namikaze didn't really keep him safe. Even if it did, it would have been negated by the fact that he looked exactly like Minato. Really, if not for the whiskers and the haircut, he could even be mistaken for him. And the villagers already hated him, so telling them that he was a jinchūriki could hardly make the situation worse. In fact, he'd have more time to train with Kurama's chakra, so it was a win-win. Or, rather, a win-mostly the same. The point is, I'm a better politician than Grandpa, and it's a travesty of justice that I'm not already wearing the hat.

My train of thought suffered yet another devestating blow, this time from a hand flicking the back of my head. I turned around to see the offener, Mom, standing with a plate tanindon in her hands and a bemused look on her face. "It's rude to space out and the dinner table, Mori."

I laughed sheepishly and took the plate. "Ah, sorry, I was just thinking about stuff."

"What kind of stuff?"

I shrugged. "Oh, you know, nothing really mind-shattering. Politics, world domination, homework; stuff like that."

Across the tale, someone –presumably Naruto- choked. Mom and Sasa just rolled their eyes, already used to me using it as an excuse. Well, they wouldn't be rolling their eyes when I became the… Worldkage? Everythingkage? Whatever I would call it.

The evening passed smoothly, for the most part. Mom and Sasa were a bit awkward around Naruto, but he was one of those people you couldn't help but warm up to, even in just a couple hours. We had school tomorrow, though, so he and Kiba couldn't stay forever. Eventually, they were walked home, and I was given the Herculean task of putting myself to sleep.

I was, I thought as I fell asleep, glad that I had the chance to make Naruto's childhood a little less lonely.

* * *

AAAAAAAAAA I POSTED THIS LATE I'M SO SORRY PLEASE FORGIVE ME! Well, it was my birthday yesterday, so I kind of have an excuse, but still, I've committed the most unforgivable of crimes! How can I ever repent (that is, besides around a thousand extra words)?

Anyway, I didn't want to post this later than I had to, so I didn't really proofread it. That means there are probably, like, a metric fuckton of errors, sodo if you notice anything that seems off, please let me know!


	5. Chapter 5

A few months after school started, the girls started kunoichi classes. We weren't divided into groups this time, though. There was a small enough amount of girls in the first year that we could all be put together into a manageable class of around 20, which probably said something about the culture of the Elemental Nations. Well, I didn't particularly care to look into that at the moment. Maybe when I was older, and actually had the resources to research shit.

Right now, my attention was on picking these flowers. I tried to pay attention when Suzume-sensei explained the meanings- really, I did- but it was just so fucking boring. I could've sworn I felt my brains leaking out of my ears. I'd leave the flowers to the Yamanakas, thank you very much.

Unfortunately, I still had to put something together. The bouquets we were making were supposed to be thoughtful, but seeing as I had no fucking clue what the flowers meant, I was kind of lost. I figured I would just pick whatever I liked and hope that sensei explained what they meant so I could bullshit something together. People here seemed to be extra fond of explaining things, so my plan was more sound than you might think. And even if it didn't work, I could probably make up for it by making the bouquet extra pretty.

' _Hey, that's a pretty blue._ ' I plodded over to it and picked it up. The bright autumn sun was pretty much fucking melting me, but I hadn't found a thinner poncho yet, and I couldn't just abandon the one I was wearing. This poncho was iconic. Well, it would be. I'd only been wearing it for a couple of weeks, but eventually, I'd get it to become associated with me, so that anyone wearing one would be assumed to be affiliated with me. I'd've liked the same thing for the pigtails I put my hair in, but they were so common that I'd just have to settle for being associated with them, rather than the other way around.

' _Ooh, pretty pink._ ' I knelt and plucked another flower. A clump of tiny white flowers caught my attention, and I moved to pick them, but a nearby commotion distracted me.

I looked up to see Sakura being cornered by Ami and her friends, Kasumi and Fuki. Oh, fuck. This was happening, wasn't it? This was an event that was occurring in my vicinity. This was an event occurring in my vicinity that I could fix. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I couldn't let Sakura be bullied, but what if this was when she and Ino became friends? They were both so integral to each other's characters; what would happen if they never met? Would I replace Ino? Fuck, fuck fuck.

' _Canon-schmanon. You're literally not supposed to exist. What's being nice gonna do?_ '

Well, yeah, but… I really didn't have an excuse, did I? Okay, okay, here I went. And, I was going. Going, going, going, until I was standing behind the three bullies.

"Ahem."

The three girls whirled around, and Sakura's eyes widened. Oh, fuck, I hadn't planned this far! What was I doing?

"Sensei says that making a ruckus is unladylike, kore." Oh, real fucking smooth, dumbass. Like I listened to sensei. They weren't even being loud- I was just standing close enough to notice them. "And, if you don't mind me asking, what are you all talking about?"

"Oh, don't worry about it, Kōmori. We were just chatting with Billboard Brow over here. We'll make sure to keep our voices down!" Ami smiled at me, but Sakura sniffled and curled into herself. Yeah, no. Social anxiety could suck it; I wasn't going to let this stand.

"Isn't that kind of mean?" I shoved my hands into my pockets. "Calling her Billboard Brow. And making fun of her forehead in general, I guess." All four kids stared at me, and my face burned. Fuck, fuck, this was so embarrassing, why did I think this was a good fucking idea?

"B-but… it's so big! It's more like a fivehead than a forehead!" Ami stuttered.

"Yeah! You could probably eat off of it, it's so big!" Kasumi agreed. God, kids could be mean. Why was I the one that had to deal with this? I could barely handle nice kids, let alone bullies.

"So? I think she looks lovely either way, kore. And it's kind of petty to insult someone based on their appearance, don't you think?" I hoped Kiba was somehow taking notes. Maybe he was, like, in the trees or something, waiting for me to dole out advice like some kind of sage soap dispenser. If not, I could just pinch him until he stopped calling me 'bird's nest', but this seemed much more time efficient.

Sakura flushed, and I instantly regretted everything I'd ever done in both my lives. She didn't think I was flirting with her, did she? Because she was, like, 2, and that was super fucking nasty. She wasn't old enough to develop a crush, right? I mean, not that I was crushworthy, but who knew what went on in the head of a little kid, right?

Ami opened her mouth to retort, but her comeback was thwarted by… a couple of flowers?

' _Oh, thank fuck._ ' I didn't remember much about the minor scenes, but I remembered enough to recognise this one. ' _Ino Yamanaka, to the rescue._ '

"Oh, sorry," she said breezily. "I must have mistaken that hole for a vase." I covered my mouth and very tactfully did not laugh. Oh, no, no laughing here. I was the picture of politeness, yes I was.

Well, Ino seemed like she could handle it, and any excuse to escape was good enough for me. I walked around the group and held out my hand so Sakura could grab it. She did, and I hauled her up.

"Are you alright?" I took in the tear tracks and reconsidered. "Or, rather, are you injured?" She didn't have any obvious scrapes or bruises, and I hadn't seen the girls beating on her, but I wasn't a medic-nin.

"Ye-yes! Um, thank you!" she stuttered.

"Mm, no problem."

Behind me, someone screamed. I turned around and saw Ami and her friends running and wailing for sensei. Ino stood and watched them for a moment, before turning to us with a smirk on her face.

"What'd you tell them to make them run like that?" I snorted. "You'd think the devil himself rose out of the ground or something."

Ino giggled deviously. "Oh, not much… they just think that fujibakamas are poisonous. They should be fine. Maybe."

I chuckled. "They aren't actually poisonous, right? Going to prison will look really bad on your record, y'know."

"Please," she scoffed, rolling her eyes. "A few of bullies aren't worth going to jail for. I'm not dumb."

Behind me, Sakura rose from the grass. "Uhm, thank you, Ino… and Kōmori."

Ino grinned. "That's what friends are for, right, Kōmori?" she said, slinging an arm around my shoulder. I stiffened but didn't resist.

"Am I, uh, being included in this? Or are you just asking for an unbiased opinion, kore?" Sakura frowned in confusion, but Ino just laughed and wrapped her free arm around her shoulder.

"Duh! Of course, you're being included. Unless… you don't want to?" At this, Ino looked up at me (it was stupid to be proud of being taller than a five-year-old, but I was, and it was glorious) and gave me those fucking puppy eyes. I knew she was just joking, and I wouldn't have refused either way, but fuck, I couldn't stand upset kids. That was going to be the death of me, I swore.

"Of course not! I mean, uh, of course yes? Uh, er, that is to say, I'd love to be your friend." My face burned, and I scratched at my chin sheepishly. God, this was so embarrassing, I was giving myself second-hand embarrassment. Would it have been too much to ask for some deity up there to, like, smite me or something?

' _Evil, evil little girl. You don't need the Yamanaka technique to manipulate people, do you?_ '

Ino giggled. "Then, that settles it! We're all friends now, and there's nothing you can do about it," she ribbed. Not one to pass up an opportunity for melodramatics, I sighed and flopped down out of her hold and onto the ground. Tentatively, Sakura tittered and sat down next to me. After a moment, Ino sat down on my other side.

"How come you've only got two kinds of flowers?"

"What?" I mumbled.

"Your flowers, silly," Ino repeated. "You've only got two types. Why?"

Oh. I'd forgotten about that we were out here for a reason I hadn't really been paying attention when I picked the flowers, but now that I thought about it, a few pink and blue flowers probably weren't going to satisfy Suzume-sensei. "I was gonna pick a white one. And I wasn't really listening to sensei, anyway. So I wouldn't really know what to put in it."

Ino sucked her teeth. "It's not that hard. Come on, sit up, I'll show you. You too, Sakura." She waited for me to rise, then continued, "What you do is find your main flower…"

* * *

You know, if you changed your hair, you'd look just like the Fourth Hokage."

Naruto looked up from his homework. "Who?"

I rolled my eyes. "You know, the Fourth Hokage. Minato Namikaze? Blonde hair, blue eyes, has a picture in Grandpa's office? I know you've been in there before, you had to have seen it."

"But I thought your Grandpa was the Third Hokage? How can he be the third if there's a fourth?"

"Well, he's dead. But you look just like him. Less dead, of course. And he doesn't have the whiskers, kore. But if you grew your hair out, you'd be, like, a mirror image. With whiskers."

Naruto leant across the table we were sitting at, eyes shining. "Really? That's so cool!"

"Yeah. You just need to grow it out a little bit," I told him.

'Why,' one might ask, 'are you trying to get Naruto to adopt Minato's hairstyle?' Well, it's very simple. Petty, yes, but simple- I wasn't allowed to learn elemental jutsu yet.

'What the hell,' one might ask again, 'does that have to do with anything?' Well, that's also very simple. Sasa said he wouldn't teach me any elemental jutsu until I graduated, so I went to Mom, who said she wouldn't teach me any until I was in my last year. That was insufficient, so I went to Asuma, who lived in an apartment a couple of blocks from my house. He told me to ask my parents, then I told him that I had, so he told me that I should listen to them, so I left, because he clearly wasn't going to be of any help.

At that point, I'd exhausted most of my options, so I sulked on my couch until I figured out that I could ask Grandpa, who had no idea how to raise a kid and thus would probably teach me one. So I made the long, long trek to his office, forced myself to smile at the chūnin on paperwork duty, and got turned the fuck down, because I was too young, which I knew was total bullshit because all the Uchihas knew that Grand Fireball jutsu, or whatever. Apparently, they all learned it when they were about seven, rather than four, but it was still utter bullshit, so I went back home and sulked on the couch again.

Which brings us back to the present. I couldn't actually do anything about it, but I wanted to make everybody regret disappointing the fuck out of me. I also didn't want to get in trouble, so I thought, why not make everybody who knew Kushina suffer? But then I realised that A) Naruto didn't look like Kushina, B) I probably shouldn't have been able to connect him to Kushina, and C) I didn't know where to buy hair dye. So the I decided to make him look like Minato, which was much easier and also probably (hopefully) wouldn't earn me a relaxing winter break in T&I.

I leant over the table and tugged at his hair gently. "Y'know, it's kind of long already. Have you been skipping out on your haircuts, whiskers?" Naruto flushed, and I snorted. "Doesn't really matter. Actually, it'll be easier to grow it out. If you want to, of course."

"Heck yeah, I do!" Naruto shouted. Always so enthusiastic, even about mundane things like haircuts. Maybe I wasn't being fair. I'd probably get excited if someone told me I looked like a Hokage, too. Well, maybe not one of the Hokages, because I was pretty proud of my little girl face, but Tsunade, or something. The point still stands, alright?

"Well, then, you should do it! Maybe it'll become your trademark once you become Hokage. Like fa-err, like Fourth Hokage, like Fifth, right?" I smiled and removed my hands from his hair. "But, you know, Hokages have to do their homework too."

* * *

One of the good things about being a med-nin trainee's trainee was that I didn't have to buy any of the books for myself.

One of the bad things was that Hana delighted in rubbing her superior knowledge in my face. She tried to pretend she didn't, but I knew she did. Well, I'd show her. One day, I'd be the Tsunade to her Shizune, and there'd be nothing she could do about it because I'd be that good at medical jutsu. Well, maybe not medical jutsu, because that took patience that I didn't have, but I'd be better than her at something.

A solid thwack to the head decimated my train of thought. I hoped the train station had 'adolescent with a teacher-complex' insurance.

"Don't space out, Mori!' scolded Hana. I scowled and rubbed at the back of my head theatrically.

"Yes, sempai. But do I really have to keep reading this chapter? I think I've already got it down."

I expected her to flick me on the forehead and snap at me, or something, but she just brought a thoughtful hand to her chin. "Do you, know?" I nodded, and she grinned, a little sharply, a lot worryingly. "Well, then, we can end class for today."

I raised my eyebrows at that- it was more like a group studying session than anything- but closed my book anyway. "Can I ask why, sempai? I thought we were just going to read another chapter, kore."

She chuckled, somehow just as sharp as her grin. "Oh, we were. But since you're so done with it, I've decided to move forward with your training. No, no need to thank me. Just as long as you are thankful to me for showing you this kindness."

A couple of days later, I was very much not thankful. Hana had, indeed, moved forward with my training. There was no way in hell I was telling her that I wasn't capable of doing it (I had to have some sliver of pride, after all), but I wasn't, and she had to have known that. Was she that pissed about me complaining? I wasn't a model student, sure, but that wasn't an excuse for what I was pretty sure qualified and cruel and unusual punishment.

"Oh, come on, Hana. Isn't this a waste of a fish?" I whined, slouching in my chair.

"The sun and the moon can't even match up to the value of a proper education," she replied. Dammit, she didn't just get to quote me! Well, I hadn't copyrighted it, but still! That was rude and uncalled for!

"This isn't a proper education," I mumbled. She hummed thoughtfully. I couldn't see her since she was standing behind my chair, but I bet she was doing that stupid fucking thing where she put her hand on her chin like she was some kind of wise elder. Then she moved to the other side of the table and leant over it with that really intense look in her eye.

"Are you saying you can't do it?" she asked, her tone clearly goading.

"No," I snapped, sitting back up and lamenting the fact that I had not yet learned what the equivalent of 'fuck' was.

"Are you sure?" she repeated, leaning closer.

"Yes…." I scowled, suddenly less sure of myself. Was this some kind of… genjutsu? Was she secretly a Yamanaka? A Yamanaka-Inuzaka hybrid? Fuck, I'd never met her dad, how would I know? Honestly, if ninjas could be descended from fucking aliens, anything was possible.

"Are you really, really sure?"

"Y…es?"

"Are you really, really, really sure?"

"Fine, dang it! I'm not sure! We've been at it forever, but I haven't even made any progress, kore! And," I paused to sniff the air for a second, "is the fish, uh, cooking?"

Hana's grin faltered for a moment as she smelled the air with me. "I, uh. Huh. Sensei didn't say anything about that happening, but my chakra is more Yang-oriented, so… maybe yours has more Yin?" She frowned at the fish a moment more before shaking her head and adopting that damned nefarious grin again. "But that's not the point! The point is, you shouldn't rush yourself. I've been training for a couple of years, and I only just started learning any jutsu."

She poked the fish, then apparently decided it was satisfactory for… something, because she wrapped it in butcher's paper and put it back in the fridge.

"I may never learn the Mystical Palm," she continued, looking a bit forlorn. "You may never learn the Mystical Palm. It takes chakra control that a lot of people just don't have. But that doesn't mean you can slack off. There's more to being a medic-nin than the jutsu, y'know. For example, uh," she trailed off, looking at me appraisingly, "do you know how to splint a broken bone, or stitch up a wound without infecting it?"

I shook my head, and she grinned. "Well, your little baby hands might not be able to stitch people up without infecting them," she ribbed, easily catching my sloppily thrown fist. "But bones are easy enough once you get them down." She glanced towards the wall clock and bit her lip thoughtfully. "I think we have enough time to get started."

"Get started on what? Neither of us have broken bones, kore." I turned around in my chair and watched her as she got one of her textbooks from the counter.

"You're going to memorise all the bones in the body, of course!"

' _Fuck._ '

* * *

Eventually, Mom decided that my calligraphy was good enough for me to start on seals. At first, I'd thought that the calligraphy was the only reason people didn't go into fūinjutsu. I mean, yeah, learning the nuances between pure ink and blood-ink and pure blood was kind of tedious, but it was hardly any more difficult than what we were taught in the Academy.

Then, I began learning about the differences in materials, which was also tedious, but also not worth not learning fūinjutsu.

After that, I was introduced to the different sealing styles, and I fucking understood.

God, there were so fucking many. So many! It was like trying to comprehend every single language that ever was, is, or will be spoken. There was Konoha Standard, which was pretty much slightly tweaked Uzushio Standard, which was extinct, because the Uzumakis were sort of, kind of, pretty much dead. And then there was Suna Standard, and Kiri Standard, and Iwa Standard, and Kumo Standard. I couldn't have learned all five styles if I tried. And that wasn't even counting the other, minor styles! What about the smaller villages, or the ones that died with their wielders? What the fuck about them?

I may have writhed in my char for a minute or so. Not my proudest moment, but Mom just laughed and patted my head. Luckily for my sanity, we were only going to be going over Konoha Standard before I started on modifying seals. I wasn't too likely to actually get a look at any other styles, anyway; if I saw any of them, it would likely be in battle, and the golden rule of fūinjutsu was 'fuck outta dodge if you see a foreign seal'. It wasn't quite phrased like that, of course (I'd get someone to tell me what fuck was if it was the last thing I did!), but that was the general gist I got.

It'd taken gruelling months of 'No, no, this kanji means this' and 'No, no, when it's written like this, it does that', but eventually I was able to move on to modifying seals. I wasn't allowed to mess with exploding seals, no matter how I begged, but storage seals were cheap enough and safe enough that messing with them wasn't really dangerous. Well, there was the chance that I could open a rift in space-time, but that was slimmer than a twig, so I was probably fine.

Sealing really was fascinating, though. Mom's derivation from Konoha Standard was how specific her seals were. I mean, Konoha Standard was great and all, but like all Standard styles, it needed to be accessible to all ninja, regardless of fūinjutsu knowledge. So, Standard seals tended to be more simple and straightforward. The only Standard seals that really varied were explosive seals, and that was mostly in the time they took to blow up. The only other commonly found seal is a storage seal, and those only really change in what they can carry and how much of it they can carry.

There wasn't really any point in teaching me those variations since I could buy and study them myself (once I became a genin and got my license). Today, Mom was showing me one of her first original seals, the 'Dispenser Seal'. It wasn't super complicated- again, it was one of her first- but it was a little more complicated than what people without fūinjutsu experience could use, so it wasn't sold, despite its utility.

Honestly, it's kind of hard to explain what some seals do. The Dispenser Seal's supposed to have a set thing to chakra ratio, but chakra can't really be quantified. Well, maybe I should say 'hasn't yet been', rather than 'can't'. If you ask me, it's a type of energy, and thus it is quantifiable. I've read something that proposed that chakra might be some kind of manipulatable radiation, and it's certainly possible, but it would still be quantifiable (and also a type of energy, I think?). I've also read something that essentially sums up to 'chakra is magic and y'all are fucking batshit', but that's stupid and boring and I won't accept it.

Anyway, the Dispenser Seal works by pushing out an amount of items proportional to the amount of chakra you put in it. It doesn't work super well if the things you're storing are vastly different, though, because it tells one unit from the other based on… weight, or mass, or something. For example, it works with kunai, because they're similar enough for the seal to see them as separate units. If you put a pencil and a notebook in it, though, it would either take a chunk out of the notebook, or try to make the pencil notebook-sized and make the seal malfunction, which was another problem in and of itself (if 'run from foreign seals' was the fūinjutsu golden rule, 'run from malfunctioning seals' was the… silver rule, or something).

Multifaceted seals were interesting in that there wasn't one way to write them. Hell, there wasn't any one way to write seals in general. You could've handed me a little doodle and I wouldn't know it was a seal until it blew up, or something. The only reason most seals were recognisable as seals were because everybody used kanji, which were less spacious than hiragana and katakana, and easier to use than creating a new alphabet.

In the end, all that really mattered was intent. You could write as many kanji as you wanted, but they'd only do something once you wanted them to. Though you also had to know what you wanted them to do, and how you wanted them to do it, so maybe it wasn't so simple as intent… But it seemed simple when Mom demonstrated.

"Alright," she sighed, leaning over a patch of dirt. She'd rented one of the smaller training fields inside the village for us to practice seals, since the weather was nice and neither of us wanted to sit inside. "Look here, Mori. See the points, with the kanji on 'em?"

I shuffled closer and nodded. She'd drawn a triangle in the dirt, with the kanji for grass on one corner, the kanji for one pound on another, and the kanji for one on the last. In the center were the kanji for storage and the kanji for remove.

"This is what the Dispenser Seal looks like. Think you can tell me what the points stand for, kore?"

I snorted. "I'd certainly hope so. Uh," I regarded the seal for a moment. "That one, at the top, that's what it stores. Right?" She nodded, and I smiled. "And that one, to the left, that's how many it spits out. Right, kore?" She nodded again, and my small smile turned to a grin. "And that last point… uhm, how much it spits out? Like, um, how much 'one' is, I guess."

"I hope I wouldn't need a pound of grass, kore," she snickered. I punched her arm, but she just barked a laugh and ruffled my hair. "Don't worry about it, kid. The one pound is the limit of the seal." Her hand relaxed, and I dragged it out of my hair, cursing my tiny baby arms all the while. If I wasn't so fucking small, she wouldn't have gotten her hands in my hair in the first place, and then I wouldn't have to fix my hair.

"Why would you take the time to pick a pound of grass?" I grumbled, shaking my head in a futile attempt to fix my hair.

"Ah, well, I don't actually have a pound of grass," she chuckled. "But, uh, if I take this piece here… and put it here…" Alert, I watched the blade of grass she'd placed on the seal. And I watched, and I watched.

"Is it supposed to do something?"

She hummed and picked the grass up. "That's weird. I know I drew the seal right."

"Is it different if you're not using ink?"

"Uh, not really. Uh, hold up, I think I know what's wrong!" She snapped her fingers and threw the grass aside. "Listen here, kore. Everything has a little chakra, but it's not normally enough to actually activate a seal without ink. If you're not using blood, you'll have to compensate with your own chakra. Uh, I don't really feel like doing that, though, so I'll just use blood." She moved to bite her thumb, but upon seeing the dirt crusting it, reconsidered.

"Uh, do you know how to safely cut your thumb, Mori?" I shook my head. Somehow, biting my thumb had never really appealed to me.

"Well, I guess you don't really have to use your thumb, but it's generally the easiest way to get the most blood. Y'know how you can channel chakra through your body 'n stuff, so that you get all numb? You're gonna wanna do that, because the thumb's pretty sensitive, kore."

I brushed my hand on my poncho and did what she said. "Won't it get infected? I mean, I'm not sterilising my teeth or my skin, kore."

"Nah. The chakra kills any germs that try and get through, so you'll be fine. Even your widdle baby chakra." I stuck my tongue out at her, and she responded in kind, if less indignant and more mirthful.

"Then, if your chakra's in your thumb, then you'll wanna sharpen one of your teeth with chakra. I think this is kind of the hardest part, because you can't really see if you did it right. Your canine teeth are easiest, because they're sharpest, kore." She bared her teeth, displaying the soft blue glow around one of her teeth. "Think you can do it?"

I frowned. Chakra on my teeth? I mean, it clearly worked, but I'd never really channelled chakra to my head- too many squishy bits I could mess up. Well, it couldn't be any different than channelling to my other limbs, right?

"Alright, um…" I opened my mouth and tried to focus on the rivers of chakra flowing through my system. Then, I envisioned a rock in one of the branches, diverting the chakra to my jaw, then my teeth. A sensation like eating slightly too-hot food overcame my jaw, and Mom made an approving noise.

"A little sloppy, but it'll work," she murmured. Calloused fingers lifted my chin, and she laughed a little sheepishly. "I honestly wasn't sure you'd be able to get this far. It's a pretty basic technique, but it takes higher chakra control than what kids your age normally have, kore. Heck, I know kids older than you that don't have the same control." Suddenly hyper-aware of my teeth, I didn't smile, but I couldn't stop the corners of my mouth from quirking up.

"Alright. If you've still got the chakra in your thumb, you can prick it, like this." She lifted her thumb to her canine tooth (chakra-free now) and swiped. I did the same, and a drop of blood beaded my thumb.

"Then hold it over the seal. Careful, careful, don't let too much of the blood fall before you get there." One, two, three drops of blood fell on the seal before Mom hummed and said, "That should be enough, kore." I turned my thumb back up and moved to wipe the blood off on my pants, but she grabbed my wrist. "Don't get your pants dirty."

I looked down to the dirt I was kneeling in, then the dirt on my knees, then back to her, and raised an eyebrow. "I- You know what I mean, Mori!" she snapped. I grinned, and she rolled her eyes. "When'd you get all sassy, Mori? I remember when you were a sweet little baby, always doing what your darling parents said…" She sighed melodramatically and unwrapped the bandages on her wrist.

' _Have we seen her arms before?_ ', I wondered, leaning in to get a better look. She rolled her eyes again but angled her forearms so that I could see all the markings littering them.

"These are the seals I don't feel like carrying on a scroll," she told me, gesturing. "This one's a few kunai, 'n this one's for rations, 'n this here's a… fire storage? Not really sure why I felt like I would need that one, but okay, I guess."

Eventually, she found the seal she was looking for and tapped it. With a puff of smoke, a wrapped bandaid materialised, and she handed it to me. "Good work, kore. The chakra shouldn't dissipate too quickly, but we still don't have all day, so put the bandaid on so I can activate the seal."

With my thumb clean and covered, I scooched closer. I'd seen storage scrolls being used before, but never this close, and never Mom's version. I knew it wouldn't be flashy, but firsts were always exciting, and seals were no exception.

"When I was still learning, like you, I liked to use the Monkey seal to help me channel my chakra."

I nodded and began to form the sign with her, but stopped, confused. "Why do you need a hand seal? It's not a jutsu, kore."

"Ah, how do I explain it?" After a moment's pause, she tore a clump of grass from the ground and put it on top of the seal, before biting her lip and spitting on it. With a puff of smoke, the pile disappeared, presumably into the seal. "Okay, try using it without the seal."

I frowned, but complied, summoning my chakra to my hand and touching what I could see of her seal. Instead of a blade of grass (or whatever Mom had intended), though, all I got was a puff of air and the subtle scent of baking earth. "I think seal is broken."

"What? No way, the blood should've fixed it. Lemme see." She leant closer to the seal, frowning. "Yeah, it's totally fine, Mori. This is why you should use hand seals when you're first starting out, kore."

"But I thought seals aren't supposed to be hard to activate?" I asked, confused. It was a fucking storage seal; how difficult could it be?

"Well, the ones they sell in stores aren't, but this one's different. Look, look, I'll show you." A light blue sheen covered her hand, and she slammed her palm on the ground. "Unseal!"

Like water from a busted pipe, grass came shooting out of the dirt, hitting Mom square in the face with all the force of a stampede. She spluttered and flailed, trying in vain to escape the pelting before falling to the ground and rolling so that she was out of harm's way, significantly furthering my vocabulary in the process. I guffawed as she swiped at her face and turned to me, spitting out grass all the while.

"Not broken, huh?"

* * *

Hmm. I'm not a huge fan of this chapter, but I'm not sure what to change… Que sera sera, I suppose.

Anyway, I have two things I want to address. Firstly: in the footnotes of Chapter 3, I said I'd be posting review replies at the end of each chapter. I've deleted that bit now, but I should still probably tell you all that I actually won't be doing that, unless it's a question a lot of people have, or something. I love you all, and I love it when I get a review (shoutout to tywp for reviewing Chapter 4, and to Yuki Suou for reviewing all four chapters! Y'all are the bomb dot com 3), of course. But I've seen what happens when people reply to reviews in the footnotes, and it's… not pretty.

Secondly: Would any of you be willing to beta for me, or do any of you know someone who would be willing to beta? I know there's a feature for this, but there's 12,000 betas that I'd have to ask. 12,000! That's, like, a lot! I'm not desperate for a beta, per say, and even if I was it's not like I couldn't sort through the 239 (*shivers*) pages myself, but I'd still appreciate any help.


	6. Yikes!

Friends, I'm afraid I've made a terrible mistake.

You see, when I started writing Light Your Own Fire, calling the plot I'd cooked up bare-bones would be almost comically generous. I'd seen all these fucking bitching self-insert fics other people were writing, and I was like, 'Hell yeah! Lemme get some of that sweet, sweet plot-fixing!' So I wrote the first chapter, and the second, and the third, and the fourth, and then that damned fifth chapter.

'Why,' one might wonder, 'is the fifth chapter damned?' Well, it's very simple: it fucking sucks _ass_. Somewhere along the way, I'd started writing Kōmori as some kind of benevolent, selfless angel that has the guts to not only initiate conversation, but initiate genuine conversation. Regrettably, I am none of those things.

I also realized that I was spending way too much time on the little shit. I don't about second birthdays, or fūinjutsu lessons. I want to get to the real fucking shit- the fighting, the angst, the kickass jutsu. So why wasn't I? Because I'm a fucking dumbass, is why.

So, I decided to start over. I'm not gonna completely wipe what little plot there was, and I'm gonna keep the original version up for posterity (I guess), but I'm nit going to work on this half-baked clusterfuck anymore. I'm not sure when I'll have the new version up, but I'll probably update this chapter with a notification when I do finish. I don't think you all get notified about stuff like that, though, so if you're super-mega invested in this, you can always follow me.

Anyway, thanks to everybody who read. And, I guess, a thank you in advance to those who'll end up reading the new version. It's been lit, guys.


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